How We Got Through and What We Missed Most: Lessons From a Pandemic Year (Published 2020) (2024)

It’s been a time of isolation and illness, of new habits and lessons, of grief and hope. As this pandemic year comes to an end, we asked people to describe, in their own words, what they’ve learned, how they’ve grown, and what they regret about the last year.

Below are some answers to a survey completed by 500 adults from around the country, conducted for The New York Times by Dynata, a data and survey firm.

It will be years before we know how deeply this experience has transformed us. But the responses give an idea. People have been reminded of the importance of the big things in life, like family and faith, but also of small pleasures, like music, birdwatching and dark chocolate. In their suffering, they have looked inward for strength, finding it in deep breathing and in creativity. They have felt grief, cynicism and fear. Yet they have been buoyed by the power of friendships and awed by the speed with which scientists developed vaccines.

Many people got through the year by eating or drinking too much — potato chips, homemade sourdough bread and bourbon — or losing themselves in screens. Others raised chickens, took up running and mastered, or failed at, Zoom. Some soldiered on at jobs in health care, retail and schools, amid masks, face shields and plexiglass dividers.

Some people spent the year at home, largely alone. Asked what advice they would have given themselves last March about getting through the year, several said they wished they had found a way to be physically closer to family or friends for the duration.

Many people grieved, remembering lives lost without hugging or gathering with family members — saying goodbye while distanced in garages or cemeteries or over video.

Asked what they don’t want to forget about the year, one person said, “Things don’t matter; people do.”

The pandemic has changed many people in permanent ways, upending lives with the after-effects of the disease, the loss of loved ones and economic catastrophe. On a smaller scale, it has altered old habits and shifted perspectives. It precipitated breakups and marriage proposals. It made people re-evaluate their priorities — returning to religion or reconnecting with family — and vow to give up things they used to do, whether going out dancing, drinking soda or arguing with their spouse.

Responding to a question about what they used to do but wouldn’t do again, one person said, “Taking people for granted,” and another said, “Not loving myself.” Others hope to go back to their old ways of life as soon as they possibly can.

Over all, people showed signs of extreme stress. About 40 percent said their mental health was worse now than before the pandemic — more than the 12 percent who said it was better (the rest said it was about the same). Four in ten respondents also said they felt more vulnerable to hardships, and the same share reported feeling more distant from their friends.

Several listed guns as their most valuable pandemic purchase. Others said that they had lost faith in certain friends or politicians, or that they wanted to forget everything about the year.

But many have also been surprised by their own adaptability and strength. Some cited renewed faith in religion, increased attention to nearby natural and architectural beauty, and joy from close family relationships and personal milestones.

“I’m more resilient than I thought,” one respondent wrote. “There’s always light at the end.”

We asked Times readers: What is the photo on your camera roll that most evokes or captures what pandemic life has been like for you?

In hundreds of photographs submitted by Times readers, people captured big moments like weddings and births, as well as more mundane ones like crowded home offices and greetings through windows. They shot moments of contemplation and mourning, eerily empty landmarks and beaches, and triumphs of crafting and cooking. They documented childhoods transformed.